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8.05.2015

How we decided to adopt



We are asked how we decided to adopt pretty often and for some reason I always end up feeling like I wasn't able to explain things the way I wanted to. I'm not sure why. I think part of it is that getting Simon here is such a long time-line to me and that time-line began before we even had plans to adopt. Another part of it is that so much of the lead up to our decision was what was happening inside us--feelings, questions, prayers, answers to prayers.  It's makes it hard to explain in a nice little conversation or even a medium sized one, so get ready for the long, long answer. 

To me this whole chapter of our lives really started when I was expecting Georgia. Things were not going smoothly and no one could figure out why. I spent the last three months at home and in the hospital on bedrest, but I made it to 37 weeks and Georgia was born safe and healthy. During my pregnancy and right after both Taylor and I separately felt that there was another baby (I knew it would be a cute little boy) that would come after Georgia. We are both religious and believe in a God who gave us families in this life to help us, and who guides us as mothers and fathers of those families. We both took the feelings in stride and thought they were comforting during and after such a rough pregnancy. I wanted so badly to be back to myself and back to taking care of our family after Georgia was born, but I wasn't recovering and a few weeks later I ended up in the hospital again where we realized that I had a uterine AVM (a problem with the arteries and veins in my uterus that causes hemorrhaging.) and needed surgery. After surgery I was quickly back to being healthy and strong, but we were told that having any more children biologically would be life threatening to me and to the baby. I was so sad about that, and I felt guilty being sad because I already had four beautiful children and a recent miracle that both Georgia and I were okay. I felt sad and guilty and I still felt such a strong feeling that there was another child that would be a part of our family and that I needed to do something about it. Some of the time I thought maybe I was crazy. Some of the time I was overwhelmed thinking about how we would figure out the world of adoption. Some of the time I felt really peaceful. Georgia was the sweetest baby to hold and cuddle and I loved those months of her as a newborn; I felt like she knew a little more of what was in store than I did. 

We gradually started learning about adoption and exploring the different paths we could take--first online and then by reaching out and meeting with or corresponding with different agencies and organizations. Our adoption was a line upon line thing. It wasn't us coming across a picture on-line and immediately knowing that this baby was ours or learning about Simon in a dramatic, miraculous way. It was just a long, winding path that eventually put us in the right place at the right time and led us to him. We talked to friends and acquaintances who had adopted through foster care, domestically, and internationally and we actually went a ways down each of those paths. I continued feeling so strongly that this was something we needed to do and I continued wondering sometimes if I was crazy. All the searching and decision making was good for us. Every time we were not on the same page about something, we had to get there and we did. Taylor has a lot of faith and when I was feeling worried he would remind me to trust my feeling and have faith and not fear. About a year after Georgia was born we still weren't sure of the right path. We decided to just give the whole thing a break for a while, except I was going to follow up with one more person at the National Down Syndrome Adoption Network (NDSAN). When I did, we learned about Simon. We asked for and were sent his profile and all the adoption requirements. Everything felt like a good fit and we felt like we had maybe found our little boy. And when we found him it felt really good and right and scary and overwhelming. (It was the most frightening leap of faith I have ever taken and I definitely had my share of freak-out moments all along the way.) The day after we learned about Simon we prayed a lot and made our decision and then called the contact for the agency and began the process of adopting Simon. In other words we began mounds and months of paperwork to make this sweet boy ours forever.


This is a picture I found of little Simon from May 2013, the month we began the process. (His child care home sent us with a CD of Simon's pictures and that was the best gift ever.)